This day...That year...

Looking back and collecting the peices here and there...just torturing myself!
An extract (again), from Archie's diary.....wish I could go back in time and re-live these moments, if only I could do that.....things will be so much different.
*Sigh* ...well, nothing can be undone now....so let me just go ahead and make sure that this does not happen again.

Last 2 weeks of my life---i'm not able to understand....how shud I interpret them?Idunno if I shud call them good or bad, happy or sad??I started my last week with a disaster-something which I never wanted to happen happened..
I cried whole monday-day n night!That evening I expected my friends to call me n wish me.But to my great disappointment none of them called.It was more surprising than shocking coz ppl who called me 'everyday' also forgot
to call me on that day--oh, actually I was going to start my first job on tuesday.Then I told myself-good or bad,big or smallmay whatever happen I'm not going to cry...but i cudn't stand by my decision-the moment I saw myself in the mirror tears rolled down my cheeks n I made no effort to stop them.
Then I went to my workplace n I forgot everything.Seriously, I forgot EVERYTHING! Nothing came to my mind, I was
totally absorbed by that place.Oh my workplace its so damn wonderful-I didn't remember anything when I was in the training session.But once they announced the break-everything came back n that was scary, very very scary-I dreaded every moment of the break.I never wanted breaks b'coz they are bad n they make me sad,they keep reminding me of the things which i want to forget.Then after 4 days I realised that I'll never be able to forget anything.I'll carry every moment of it with me forever-or till I......
On friday...while I was on my to home,in traffic I saw the faces of the pl-happy, sad, irritated, tensed,......n many more expressions-actually all the possible xpressionz.Then I looked at my own face in the rear mirror n I found it BLANK.There was no xpression on it.
I was so confused that i didn't know what to feel.I didn't know if I was supposed to be happy for the successful completion of two weeks at the office, or be sad for what I'd lost or whatever in general....i didn't knew what to feel!!
I'm trying to get over it.I knowit will never go away from me...but I guess I've succeeded in accepting it.Now after 2 weeks I'm able to laugh effortlessly coz nothing means anything to me anymore.I've been faking every moment of these 2 weeks-at home, at workplace, everywhere.I'm trying to console myself..from last tuesday-3rd of May, and till today I haven't seen my face in the mirror---I've seriously gone mad.Just dont feel like it.I've gone crazy,totally crazy.This is reminding me of.......
In the class someone told me that I'm looking good-and to my surprise I pulled my hair back n clipped them and also wore my glasses-where many ppl told me that I look like an aunty if I wear glasses!!! Later I was surprised no actually shocked at my own behavior.I'm doing so many weird things that.....life is sucks,it is actually scaring the hell out of me......I'm sure that someday I'll seriously go mad......

P.S.hey do come to visit me when I'm in the asylum, okay! I may not recognise u, but still...n dont forget to get choclates and icecreams....i'm sure i'll definitely recognise them.